Sunday, September 2, 2012

Agreeing to Disagree and Spanked Anyway

Just when I was doing so well, I had to go and mess it all up.

Captain said something that intensely hurt my feelings.  It was not mean or spiteful.  It was just unthinking on his part.  And a bit over sensitive on my part.  I, of course, shut down.  I left the room and spent some time by myself.  Then we had to go somewhere.  Captain knew something was wrong but had no idea of what it was.

As we were going out the door and in the car, he asked if I was okay.  Did he say something to upset me?  I said I was fine and not to worry about it.  But I was still shut down and very, very quiet.  I did not want to talk in front of the kidlets.

When we got home, he got me off in the bedroom, and we were finally able to talk a bit.  I told him what had hurt my feelings.  He was really sorry.  He truly did not know how upset I was over it.

That night, after everyone was settled, and we were snuggling in bed, he told me there would be consequence that night for shutting down.  I totally disagreed.  I snapped something about if I had told him, he would have said I was being too sensitive and that he wasn’t going to say anything else to me and that he was always walking on eggshells around me.  (All things he’s said in the past.) I told him if I had to change shutting down, he had to change his reactions also!

He agreed.  But that didn’t change the fact that I had shut down and there would be a consequence to pay for it.  I told him that I did talk to him when we had some alone time.  That there was no way I was going to try and talk in the car with the kids there. He said he understood that, but I could have told him that I was upset and needed some time.  Instead I said I was fine and not to worry about it.  And he said that there would still be a consequence because he is a man of his word. 

He told me all of this very calm and collected, in a nice even voice.  I wasn’t ready to hear any of it.  Yes, I was being just a bit obstinate.  We kept talking…and talking.  We finally agreed to disagree.  And I would accept the consequence. 

He took me to the desk, I bent across, and tried to be okay with it.  But I just couldn’t relax.  I tried.  But I just kept fighting it.  He let me up and we went and talked some more.  I reiterated how I felt.  He stated his position again…and reminded me that before we had talked about the times when I didn’t agree with consequence but that I would have to accept it anyway.  I had agreed to do that.

Finally we went back to the desk.  I was still fighting it emotionally.  I just couldn’t help it.  Then Captain told me “I am going to give you exactly what I want you to have.  And you’re going to accept it.” 

I kinda thought I might really be in for it then…but it was about what a maintenance spanking would be.  We went to bed at peace with each other.  Whether I agree or not, it’s nice to have closure on things.  And we were both able to move on.

That night, as I lay thinking about everything that had been said and done, I remembered a post I did titled Zero Tolerance.  Yep…it hit me like a smack on the behind, errrrr, I mean a ton of bricks. 

There is zero tolerance. 

And I did shut down. 

And Captain is a man of his word.


  1. It is *so* hard to accept a punishment when you disagree. :( It's also hard when you did the best you could in the circumstances but you get punished anyway. It does feel unfair, but good for you for accepting it and moving on. In cases like that, even more than the zero tolerance and keeping his word...I think it's helpful to think of it as being pushed to constantly improve and try harder. Except it is kind of an ouchy process. Hugs.


  2. Yes...and you were both better afterwards. I can't for the life of me figure out how this works sometimes, but it just does.

  3. This sounds so familiar! I was always getting mad and then when Blue tried to talk to me, I would say everything's fine. Like you, I don't get away with that anymore. It is great to just talk things over now, even when I don't think I want to...

  4. I remember the egg-shell times.
    The idea of not being free in your own house to say something innocently, because it can be so easily taken wrongly, is really devastating for a man.
    It kills all communication.
    I remember all the fights, where I simply had no idea what we were fighting about.
    It was my main reason for introducing DD.
    I can see why Captain did not want to let it go.

  5. Hmmm, I got this warning the other day as well, Daddy doesn't allow distance. It's one of the nicest features of our relationships, that we have a mechanism that brings closure and peace, and a deepened closeness.