This school year he has 5 “preps”, which means 5 different lesson plans. More than that he is buried by bureaucracy (but that’s a different conversation, lol). His work has been a matter of contention for us in the past. We started ttwd during the summer, and I have been terrified that we will lose all the progress we’ve made now that he is back to work. And it really felt like that was happening. And I told him how I was feeling. And I was not happy that he would be working all of the upcoming weekend. Sigh. It wasn’t an easy talk, but I managed to not shut down AND to be respectful.
I am frantically trying to play catch up on my lists that I am held accountable for. Things just did not happen the last two days. And I am still adjusting to having to get it all done. And dh is gone all day to a fund raiser. Working on the weekend, *again*. And I am having to clean house with two unwilling kidlet helpers. It does not make for a happy Kate.
Sooooo….I called Stormy’s blog up on my ipad. ( Shelter In The Storm ) I started reading at the beginning. So the Kidlets and I would clean one room, then break for 20 or 30 minutes. I would read the entire time. And laugh…and laugh!!! And shake my head in disbelief. HOW could she say that?!?!? WHY would she say that?!?!?! Her poor bottom!?!?!?!
Clean and read, read and clean, repeated several times throughout the day. It helped me get through a really rough time. (Thanks, Stormy!!!!!!)
Before I go further, you must understand that I am a mouse. I do not have a sassy or feisty bone in my body. I am terribly lacking a sense of humor. I do not brat to my husband…I freeze him into an ice burg on an isolated island where he can never reach me by way of walls, shutting down, and never ending silence. I do not use my words to retort, comeback or sass. I do not use my words to maim or injure. If I am pushed that far, I go straight for the kill. The words that will cut another straight to the heart, with all the venom I can spew. In almost 15 years of marriage, I have never called my husband a bad name, never cursed him, but I have built walls that make China’s Wall look like a toothpick.
Now, if you have read Stormy’s blog…you know that she is NOT a mouse, lol…
And if you haven’t read her blog…go there immediately!
So after reading and cleaning and dealing with uncooperative kidlets…along comes Captain. I had had a miserable day. I was feeling miserable. I was still slightly miffed at him for being gone (even though we had talked about it and had changes planned for the future.) To say the least, I was in a bad mood. MissyKidlet had been with him all day, and came in in a mood. Things were not calm and peaceful. And he and I were going out to grab a bite to eat and then grocery shop. What fun!! (feel the spewing sarcasm????) After a huge scene to get the kidlets semi settled and be able to leave, we were finally out the door.
And then Stormy blew by…
As we were heading to the car, I said something about doubting my parenting skills.
Captain said something about not letting them engage me or getting entangled in verbal battle.
Then I, little mousey me…muttered. Muttered under my breath, words that I might have thought before but would certainly NEVER, EVER have voiced out loud. Any, yet they came spewing out in a oh-so-quiet-Captain-can’t-hear-me-voice…
“Gee, thanks that’s SOOOOOencouraging”. Feel the dripping sarcasm?
I was shocked at myself!
We got in the car, he asks, blissfully unaware, “Did you say something?”
“Ahhhhh…we really need to get the car vacuumed.”
Things went from bad to worse…because that quiet little mumble turned into some pretty big (read: HUGE) attitude towards Captain. It had been a really bad day. I felt like he kicked me while I was down. I told him I didn’t want to eat out. Let’s just get the groceries and go home. We sat parked in the parking lot of the restaurant, trying to talk. Well, he tried to talk. I tried to appear like I was talking and not shut him out. Or build a wall.
Then he drove to the food store. More was said.
Then Stormy blew by again!!! I musta read more than I thought, and it leaked into my sub-conscience.
I vented. I raised my voice slightly. It all came pouring out, venom and all. Minor sarcasm, bratting, and a spoon of anger. My peace was said. In a not so peaceful way. But it also was not a full on attack.
It helped. Captain listened, and heard. And I felt better. He felt better.
And we drove back to the restaurant.
It never would have happened if Stormy hadn’t “blew” by. The mouse that I am, gave way to the Kate I want to be…still me, but feistier, happier…with just a touch of sass!
PS – Dear Captain, if you happen to read this…the muttering was all Stormy’s fault!