Some
rules are easy, the black and white one.
Either I did or I didn’t and it’s very easy to tell the difference. I did take my medicine. Or I did not.
Black and White. Other rules are
more at his discretion. I was respectful
or I was disrespectful. Those types of
rules are more difficult to define.
We
had a long talk about the rules. Captain
picked a few from each area that are 100% in force and I will be 100%
accountable for those. We added to my
checklists, for which I am now accountable.
We will be ‘meeting’ every Sunday evening to check my accountability for
those lists. There will always be a
spanking…how easy or how hard is up to me and how much of the lists are
done/not done. Captain also set some
immediately punishable rules. Mostly
little things that if they are not done by bedtime, I will receive an immediate
spanking with the small cane for. Please
note…I HATE short, stinging spankings. This is mostly to get me into good habits
rather than continue the bad ones.
I
love the accountability. I will thrive
on the routine…and that he is checking and caring whether it is done or
not. He did throw in a few rules that I
didn’t care for…namely exercise three times a week but it can be wii fit or the
tread mill, so I have some wiggle room.
Even
though I now have new constraints on my behavior, I feel very secure. I feel loved.
And looked after. SOMEBODY is
going to NOTICE if things are done or not done!!! I think that is the biggest enemy of a
homeschooling/stay at home mom…no one really notices if you get messy or sloppy
or lazy or play hooky for days at a time.
No one notices, no one cares and it is an easy habit to get into. (I realize he *may* have noticed…but if he
did, he never said much before)
So
while I may end up doing more…I will also feel better. I won’t be stuck in the mire of GUILT over
not doing the things I know I should.
And when I fail, there will be a reckoning AND closure. There will also be praise and encouragement. All things that will inspire me to do
well. And of course…Captain standing
over me with a cane is quite inspiring in itself!
Accountability is a seriously under-rated commodity in marriage. It stabilizes a relationship like a buoyancy device, yet so many people exclude it and have to work extra hard to keep it all afloat. I enjoyed reading how you and your husband re-evaluated your rules and modified the list. A narrow view may suggest you are the one having to be accountable to your husband, but the responsibility rests heavily on him, too. He remains accountable to you to enforce the rules. Hopefully, there won't be too many short canings on top of all the extra work.
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing way to move forward! Good for you. I love that there are definite and descretionary rules and accountability for them is expected. If I had this, my first week without hubby would be going much better than it has. I'm very happy for you. It sounds like great progress!
ReplyDeleteGood for you two, Kate. You are really working on everything! I also like the idea of picking a few that you really want to focus on, otherwise it could seem too regimented.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, girl :)
Gosh, this reminds me when I'd be so happy D and I worked something out...and then I didn't do it...and I was facing a possible punishment...and it all SUCKED!!!! :P I hope that it goes a lot more smoothly for you. The very hardest part for us was when extenuating circumstances should count and when they were excuses. I wish you lots of wisdom!
ReplyDelete