Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Rule Pow-Wow

Recently, Captain and I had a long talk about the rules.  I had written a few paragraphs about each area we had previously defined, which we both know contained impossible standards.  These rules were written as the ideal, not the reality.  Effort is far more important than total success.  And lack of effort is a punishable offense.

Some rules are easy, the black and white one.  Either I did or I didn’t and it’s very easy to tell the difference.  I did take my medicine.  Or I did not.  Black and White.  Other rules are more at his discretion.  I was respectful or I was disrespectful.  Those types of rules are more difficult to define.

We had a long talk about the rules.  Captain picked a few from each area that are 100% in force and I will be 100% accountable for those.  We added to my checklists, for which I am now accountable.  We will be ‘meeting’ every Sunday evening to check my accountability for those lists.  There will always be a spanking…how easy or how hard is up to me and how much of the lists are done/not done.  Captain also set some immediately punishable rules.  Mostly little things that if they are not done by bedtime, I will receive an immediate spanking with the small cane for.  Please note…I HATE short, stinging spankings.    This is mostly to get me into good habits rather than continue the bad ones.

I love the accountability.  I will thrive on the routine…and that he is checking and caring whether it is done or not.  He did throw in a few rules that I didn’t care for…namely exercise three times a week but it can be wii fit or the tread mill, so I have some wiggle room.   

Even though I now have new constraints on my behavior, I feel very secure.  I feel loved.  And looked after.  SOMEBODY is going to NOTICE if things are done or not done!!!  I think that is the biggest enemy of a homeschooling/stay at home mom…no one really notices if you get messy or sloppy or lazy or play hooky for days at a time.  No one notices, no one cares and it is an easy habit to get into.  (I realize he *may* have noticed…but if he did, he never said much before)

So while I may end up doing more…I will also feel better.  I won’t be stuck in the mire of GUILT over not doing the things I know I should.  And when I fail, there will be a reckoning AND closure.  There will also be praise and encouragement.  All things that will inspire me to do well.  And of course…Captain standing over me with a cane is quite inspiring in itself!


  1. Accountability is a seriously under-rated commodity in marriage. It stabilizes a relationship like a buoyancy device, yet so many people exclude it and have to work extra hard to keep it all afloat. I enjoyed reading how you and your husband re-evaluated your rules and modified the list. A narrow view may suggest you are the one having to be accountable to your husband, but the responsibility rests heavily on him, too. He remains accountable to you to enforce the rules. Hopefully, there won't be too many short canings on top of all the extra work.

  2. This is an amazing way to move forward! Good for you. I love that there are definite and descretionary rules and accountability for them is expected. If I had this, my first week without hubby would be going much better than it has. I'm very happy for you. It sounds like great progress!

  3. Good for you two, Kate. You are really working on everything! I also like the idea of picking a few that you really want to focus on, otherwise it could seem too regimented.
    Good luck, girl :)

  4. Gosh, this reminds me when I'd be so happy D and I worked something out...and then I didn't do it...and I was facing a possible punishment...and it all SUCKED!!!! :P I hope that it goes a lot more smoothly for you. The very hardest part for us was when extenuating circumstances should count and when they were excuses. I wish you lots of wisdom!