“Uhhh, 64, I think.”
“And how many the next time?”
“Your consequence is going to be a specific number of swats and I am trying to figure out how many.” Gulp! I was very still and very quiet. It is still very burned into my memory the spanking I got when he cleared the slate for emotions, namely shutting down or shutting him out.
“50, I think it will be 50.” I think I gasped. “You will have exactly what I choose to give you at whatever intensity I choose. I will give you exactly what I want you to have.” I think I nodded or something, I was a little stunned. So much for mercy.
Captain told me to strip and sent me to wait in the corner while he checked the house for kidlets and burglers.
When he came back, he led me by the hand to the desk. He told me that I would have a warm up first. AND that there might be more than 50, but only the 50 would be for consequence. I bent over the desk with much trepidation.
He started with the blue cane. I am so thankful he believes in warm ups, even for consequence. Then he took me over his knee and gave me 50 swats with the paddle, which he made me count. He’d swat, I’d count, and he’d lecture. Truthfully, the swats were at a “moderate, better listen up!” intensity. It smarted but didn’t overwhelm me. The lecture, however, was more painful to take than the spanking.
He talked about how it tears us apart when I shut him out, that I should be able to tell him anything, that I shouldn’t ever divert subjects, that he will give me space when I need it, but that I am always to be honest with him. That “this thing we do” calls for honesty in all things. Cringe. And cringe some more.
For a man who had trouble finding words in the past, he’s certainly found his mark now. He NEVER used to lecture. In fact until this time, I don’t think I had any real discipline spankings. At least not any initiated by him. Now he deems them necessary on a regular basis.
Afterwards, he had me lay across his lap, rubbed in some lotion, and talked about how we can better our communication. Not another lecture, just talking about talking. We also talked about taking some time this weekend for talking. Not only do we want to talk but we want to talk about these specific things.
I went to sleep with a very warm bottom, but I am so glad I told him. And that he dealt with it. And he is forgiving and ready to move on. So am I.