Last night Captain was *finally* able to spank me.  I really needed it.  I hate that it matters so much.  I hate that it makes me SO antsy when it doesn’t happen.  It was mostly maintenance and testing out the new ‘toys’ still.  We’re taking the new canes really slow as far as intensity.  When we’re testing new things I am allowed to give feedback: too high, too low, ow!ow!ow! TOO HARD!, and occasionally too soft. 

It’s getting better with the canes.  The blue rope loopy thing is still under testing.  I HATE (repeat:  HATE) the rubber paddle.  And that’s the smooth side!  If I told my opinion of the bumpy side…well, I’d probably end up deserving another spanking.  That thing is pure evil! 

I am used to getting antsy when we go too long.  I was TOTALLY shocked that Captain got antsy to give me a spanking as much as I was antsy to receive one.  And no, it wasn’t because I was trying his patience or deserved one.  We actually had a very, very good week. 

I am just not used to this man!  He’s so different!  He got antsy! Ba-ha-ha-ha! He’s firm and calls me down when I start getting out of line.  We were talking on the phone the other day and he pops out with “I want you to either wash the bath mat or get a new one.”  Statement, not a request, not asking my opinion.  A real “I-want-this-done!” moment.  It was astounded!  Last night we were talking, and he quietly says to me “That felt very disrespectful.” Commenting on what I had just said.  I immediately apologized, secretly awed at him.

I think it has taken me years (literally years!) to get out of the way so that his dominant side could surface.  Things are very much on his time.  He is very much in control of ttwd.  And I work hard at following and not leading from the passenger seat.  It’s so much better than I ever thought it could be.

Don’t mind me…I am just basking in the glow of his dominance and the slight tingle I feel every time I sit down. J