Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The best made plans....

 ….sometimes don't work out.  The Captain had plans for me last night…but life intervened.  He got home much later than planned after picking up one of the kidlets, and it changed his plan.  I was still very antsy and needing to talk.  I had so much on my mind that I wanted to talk and share with him…and if I waited, I would clam up.  I knew this…more importantly, I think HE knew this.

So despite the late hour, he took me in the bathroom with the loud fan (remember, multiple kidlets in the house, one just having got home).  He gave me several swats with the “bottom burner” paddle.  I was still rather tender from the night before, so I felt each and every one of them.  Then he took me to our room, had me lay across his lap…and let me talk.  When I shut down, I shut totally down, not a peep out of me.  And when I want/need to talk…I jabber…and jabber, lol.

When we were talking about accountability, I was again ashamed of my behavior.  He pointed out an incident that happed earlier in the day.  I hadn’t ignored him on purpose, but neither did I stop what I was doing to *listen* to him either.  I didn’t even realize it had happened at the time.  It scares me to think of how often this happens and I don’t even know it. 

Tonight, there are no kidlets out of the house, and Captain has already said that there will be more clearing of the slate…which we both agree needs to happen.  I think it’s going to take a few spankings to get the slate clean for me.  I am not sure if he will address what happened yesterday or not.  Part of me hopes he will, for accountability and consistency.  And part of me is very apprehensive about it.
And part of me may bring it up myself.  I really hate disrespect…especially when it’s me doing it.  Especially to him.  Especially in front of the kids.  Yep, I can totally see myself bring it up tonight.  I hope I can keep my resolve when I am bare bottom over the desk.

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