Wednesday, August 22, 2012

DD Memories: Making the Bed

Before (years ago literally) I always wanted Captain to step up and give me rules.  I’m home all day with the kidlets, and it’s very easy to just let things slide…and slide.  I thought if he would just set some expectations and NOTICE things.  I, of course, had my own ideas about what those rules should be.  And I pretty much pushed my ideas off onto him. 

I do remember one time he wanted me to make our bed every day.  This was *not* on my idea list.  It was very hard for me at the time.  I did not grow up keeping things neat.  And I don’t ever remember making my bed.  Ever.  But he did, growing up.  Plus a bunch of years in the military…bed making is second nature to him.  And it does make the room look nicer.

So he asked.  And I pulled the covers up.  Day after day.  I *was* making the bed.  I had it all reasoned out in my mind.  If he had said anything, I had my answers ready.  I practically dared him to say something.  He may be bigger and stronger, but I can out talk the best of them.  And I am very good at justifying my actions.

I think rather than battle with me, he just stopped asking about it.  I, of course, took this as him not caring.  Not being into it.  Not being consistent.  Not noticing.  Being oblivious to me and the house.  It was ALL his fault.  

I see it now for what it was.  He made an effort.  And I kicked him in the teeth for it.  I fought his leadership and tested his authority.  I look back and am totally ashamed of my behavior.  I see how very wrong I was. 

Now, when he asks something, I try to do it to the best of my ability.  Even if it’s not what I had in mind.  Even if I think it’s unimportant.  Even if I really don’t want to do it.  He has the authority to ask me whatever he chooses.  Period.  I’m not behind the scenes saying you can only ask that of me if I say it’s okay to ask me. 

As a result, he is starting to ask more of me.  And I am finding out things I didn’t know.  Like what’s important to him around the house.  Or what he sees as disrespect.  I am beginning to know him on a far deeper, more intimate level than I ever have before.  I wish I had gotten out of his way years ago.


  1. Hi Kate. I just found your blog. I am trying to get my husband of 18 years to try dd. We have been living more like roommates than married people. We are going to talk more this weekend. Your posts have given me some great insights. Thanks for blogging!

  2. Hi Holly,

    Thanks for your nice comments. My best advice would be totally honest with him. It's difficult but well worth it.
    I hope your talk goes well.