Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Zero Torlerance!

Last night, Captain and I were talking real life stuff.  This is such a busy time of year, and trying to fit everything into our schedule can be daunting.  I got my feelings hurt over something he said…or really the attitude with which he said it, like I was bothering him with *one* more thing.  I don’t think he actually did have that attitude…but I took it as such.

And me being me, I clammed up and shut down and got real quiet.  I was struggling, trying not to be so quiet.  Fighting with myself to *not* move away from him.  Suddenly in this HOH TONE, he asks demands:  “Are you shutting down on me?”

“Umm, no, I’m just quiet.”  Next breath, “Yes, a bit but I’m trying not to.” I stammer. 

He found that answer not acceptable.  It wasn’t that my feelings were hurt…it was that I shut down and didn’t tell him my feelings were hurt.  So we talked it out. . .with me across his lap.  He let me know he was very displeased with my behavior.  So we talked some more.  I was surprised (and a little offended) that he considered this a spanking offense.  I had tried not to shut down after all.  While he was glad I didn’t shut down totally, and we were able to talk it out, I still had shut down and didn’t readily admit that I had. 

I was still a bit miffed over this.  But I was also awed.  He, my little used-to-be-a-push-over-dh, was handing out a consequence…whether I liked it or not.  If this had been five years ago, he would have immediately backed down/off.  He was having NONE of that this time.  Since I have a docs appointment on Friday, the consequence is postponed.

You have to understand, this is the SECOND punishment he’s handed out in the last two weeks.  I’ve been in more trouble these last two weeks than I was the entire YEARS that we had tried dd in the past.  I had punishment spankings before, ones I asked for, for rules I had put in place, and he gave it BECAUSE I asked, not because he wanted to give them.  It was more intense maintenance than corrective.  So the slate got cleared a bit, but I never felt *really* sorry or did much to change my behavior. 

I however, now understand while I may receive mercy and a little lee-way in some areas, shutting down has a zero tolerance policy!


  1. I love hearing that HOH's use their authority to demand communication of hurt feelings, etc. It is SO hard to do that and not just shut down!

  2. I go quiet and shut down, more than I care to admit probably. It's hard not to though but it's something I'm trying to work on. When you struggle to get the words out, struggle to not retreat into yourself, I have to think that a spanking would definitely be beneficial here.

    Dee x

  3. Captain 'educated' me very well in this matter. I was under the misguided (according to him) impression that as long as I recognised that I did this, it was okay. Now not only do I have to recognise the behavior, I have to CHANGE the behaavior. I am no longer allowed to hide behind recognition. It's most definately something that is going to be a work in progress for a while...