We started talking during a few stolen moments when the kidlets were all busy. I told him everything I was feeling. Lost, because I couldn’t talk freely any more. Hurt because I had meant no disrespect. Angry because my safe place had been taken away. Distrustful, hesitant and distance.
He listened…and understood. He asked me, “I am very sorry. I’ve apologized, and I truly meant it. What more can I do to make this right?” It was not a question asked in anger or frustration. He really wanted to know.
What more do I need??
HOW should I know?????? I was too busy dealing with hurt. At my request, he left me alone so I could process through all that we had talked about. I’m not very good at conflict. I either build an impenetrable wall…or I BLOW, in a tangent rage of epic proportions. And I tend to hold grudges, not resolve problems.
What more do I need?????
Sigh. I tried to sort out my emotions. I needed him to recognize the magnitude of the hurt I felt. And I need my safe place to be safe. These things wouldn’t undo the damage…but would start the healing.
That night we talked more. I told him what I needed. And we talked and talked and worked it out. That night when I went across his lap, it didn’t feel as safe as it once was, but it didn’t feel awful either. I was cautious but not distant. And things are still good between us. This “bump in the road” didn’t totally derail all that we are trying to accomplish or make us (read: me) give up and totally stop ttwd.
So, we’re back to moving forward again. J