Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Clearing the Slate

I’ve finally got through the emotions of the first spanking.  I’ve even managed to sort some of it out.  There are four main areas I need help with:  respecting the Captain, the running of the house, taking care of my health, and my emotions.  After talking with Captain about my thinking, and my “suggesting” a few things, he said there would be four spankings over the next several days addressing each topic. 

Last night, showing him respect was addressed.  This includes accepting his leadership and authority in ttwd.  And also listening for his voice and giving priority to what he is saying over other distractions.  I already know I let the kids interrupt us far too often.  He lectured the entire time, gave me a pretty intense spanking, and cleared the slate in that area.  I did bring up what happened the day before…and he very firmly addressed my lack of respect.  And I greatly appreciated every minute of it.  And unlike the other night, the slate felt cleared.

I’m not sure when the next area will be addressed.  And I like it that way.  His time, not mine.  It’s hard for me to step back and not micro manage/control/organize everything.  And I want to get through this part quickly so we can move forward at my speed.  I am working on stepping back, and going at his speed…not mine.  But it sure ain’t easy sometimes.  We both see this as being the biggest/highest priority for us…and probably the cause of most upcoming discipline.  I think I’ve made the first step, I’ve recognized that I need to step back and that *I* am part of the problem.  It was much easier when it was all his fault for not caring enough to do it right (read: my way).  Although it’s more difficult now, I would NOT go back for anything.

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