Sunday, August 5, 2012


The night didn’t start well.  Captain once again had me across his lap for more rubbing and patting and talking.  I was trying hard to be respectful even though I was SO not into it.  He asked me what I was feeling…and a torrid of words came pouring out.  I think most of it was respectfully said but laced with frustration.  He let me say everything I needed to say, and then just started rubbing and patting…and Talking with a capital T.  He reminded me of everything I had said about acceptance and things moving on his time and not mine.  It was another almost scolding.  I needed it…(and deserved it too).  He then told me that tonight we would be getting out “The Box” and talking about each implement.  He was calm, he was directive, he kept control…and it was SO what I needed.

If it had been five years ago, he would have gave in and did what I want.  And it would have been wrong.  I think I am beginning to realize that a lot of what I took as wimpy-ness or lack of leadership was him not wanting to see me struggle or hurt emotionally.  Hind sight is so 20/20. 

When we got out the box, we started talking about each thing pulled out, and somehow it came about that he was going to test each item.  It had been so long…we did need to try out positions and implements to find what would work for us.  At first, I thought this was a great idea…if I had only known what I was in for!

He had me across the bed, over the foot stool, across his knee, and over a small desk several times.  He used small canes, wooded spoons, the leather paddle, BOTH wood paddles, and I don’t know what all.  It was hundreds of light little love taps…he was more worried about my position and the placement than the intensity.  It was like a warm up that NEVER ended.  He was so directive, and so funny at the same time…we ended up having a wonderful evening.

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