My words did not betray me…my body language did. I tried to just clench my teeth and get through it. Let him do his HOH thing and be done. Maybe my reaction was stronger than normal. Maybe he’s just more in tune with me than he used to be.
The position is uncomfortable for me (it’s a lack of height thing, I think). And he was using one of our new short canes, a rattan one that stings like fire. I hate stinging implements, particularly for a warm up. I lay across his knee, he spanked, and I fumed. More teeth clenching and inward resolve to just get through it.
I’m not sure if I asked to get up or he let me up. We sat on the bed for a few silent moments. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted me to tell him what was wrong. Not in a pleading, asking kinda way. Not in a frustrated, impatient way. In a quiet commanding way. “Tell me what’s wrong.” So we talked. I was hesitant, but he encouraged me. When he said we were going in the other room (where the desk is), I hesitated for a fraction of a second, but that was all.
He started with a different cane and a whole new warm up. Then he switched to something else, and finished with a few swats from the paddle. It was better, but not enough. I wasn’t where I needed to be. I hadn’t found peace yet. He told me I could get up, and I did. I hugged him, and was finally able to mumble something into his shirt about not being done. He didn’t make me repeat it. I don’t think I could have. He did tell me I was good for having told him and he was glad I *had* told him. Then he told me we were not done. He’s got that quiet command voice down pat now.
Back across the desk I went. The cane and the paddle came back out. The swats fell steady and hard across my bottom. It was exactly what I needed. I found peace and felt SO much better. I went to sleep spooning with Captain, feeling safe, happy, and very, very peaceful.
If this had been a few years ago, he would have never noticed something was wrong. He would have been frustrated with my being mad. After all, he’s spanked me like I wanted and now I am all mad at him. I would have been mad that he couldn’t see that something *was* wrong or that he didn’t care enough to give me what I needed. And we would have went to bed…each on our own very far side of the bed.
This was SO much better than that.