Wiping the Slate and Banging the Erasers

Do you ever rat yourself out???

Wednesday

If I’ve done something really wrong, I usually will.  But what if you are just struggling with something?  What if you’re just teetering on doing something against the rules?  Or maybe not trying as hard as you should? 

I’m having a hard time with Rule #3…the running of the house.  I’m keeping up, but just by the skin of my teeth.  I’m floundering.  I’m doing most of what I should, but letting small things slide here and there.  It’s not noticeable.  It appears I am doing a pretty good job.  Much better than I have done in the past.  But still, not as good as I *can* do.

So I think about telling all of this to Captain.  Then I think about the spanking he might give.  Then I think about NOT telling him.  I’m not afraid of the spanking…ok, a tiny bit apprehensive, I am more afraid of his disappointment.  I usually am not this wishy-washy.  I know I will be receiving at least a maintenance spanking tomorrow night.  He’s already told me that.   

 

Thursday

Maybe I am struggling with the idea of answering to him.  Before when we’ve tried dd, and I told him something like this, he would smile, hug, and encourage me to do better.  I might get a token spanking for it.  But that’s a big maybe.  Now…I am not sure. 

Maybe I am struggling with the idea that a spanking may (ok, will) help.  Maybe I am just stressed.  I’m back to teaching homeschool.  Dh is back at his work after being home most of the summer.  Our routine has changed drastically the last two weeks.  Not to mention kidlet #1 and I have been having some issues.

 

Later Thursday

I’ve had a bit of a nap and my headache and my thinking are much better.  I *need* a good, long, hard, slate-clearing spanking.  For whatever reason, my slate is muddled.  I know I need to talk to Captain about it, but I also don’t want him to think I am pushing.  I am worried that he will think that I am pushing. 

He’s home.  We’re going through the evening/dinner/bath/family routines.  I did find a quiet moment to let him know that I need a safe place to talk to him (for us that means my laying across his lap).  I am going to tell him everything that I am feeling…and request slate clearing instead of maintenance.  I think.  That’s the plan at the moment.

 

Friday

Captain and I talked last night.  I had trouble getting started but once I did the words just tumbled out.  And…he understood.  I told him about my muddled slate…nothing really wrote on it (no specific infraction).  Then he said something about how sometimes slates (chalkboards) need to be wiped down and the erasers pounded.  Yep, that was it exactly.

He left me waiting, while he went and settled the house.  He came back to get me and led me by hand to the desk.  I loves that he always leads me to the desk.  I take his hand and follow.  I bend bare bottom over the desk and he starts with our blue warm up cane.  Then he starts switching to other things.  I am expecting a mild scolding…instead he talks about how much I have accomplished the last two weeks, how good homeschool is going, and how well the house looks.  He offers lots of encouragement as he swats away with the white cane.  It hurt a lot but I was able to stay still (mostly) and focus on his words.
 

Then he switched to the wooded paddle, held me with his arm across my back, and gave me quite a paddling.  It was several hard strokes with the paddle.  This time he told me very firmly that he didn’t want me changing things too much or trying to do too much with school OR stressing myself or anyone else.  Then he had me count the next twenty strokes.  He always swats so quickly, I have a hard time keeping count.

He let me up, and we hugged.  Then he said “This is your time to tell me if we aren’t done,” as he held me tight.  We weren’t done.  We both knew it.  I sort of nodded and mumbled something about not being done.  Back across the desk I went.  Back across my bottom the paddle fell.  Then he switched back to the blue cane.
 

“Don’t let me stop until we’re finished.  I don’t want you taking any of this with you when you get up.  Next time I stop, we are done.” He told me in that HOH tone he uses.
 

“Yes, sir,” was all I could manage.  The strokes from the cane fell swift and steady across my bottom.  It was one of those moments where it’s exactly the right intensity.  Painful, but something I could relax into, not try to escape from.
 

When he finally stopped, we both knew we were done.  And I was at total peace.  He took me back to our bedroom, and had me lay across his lap for some aftercare.  Afterwards we snuggled and I went to sleep, peacefully. 

Some Blogging Questions

I’m getting traffic from referring urls and sites that are not other blogs and not any place I’ve visited.  One is some watch tv on the internet site.  One page won’t open at all.  Should this concern me???

How do you post pictures in your blog?

WHERE do you get the pictures from???

If I find a picture/graphic I want to use on the internet, how do I get it from there into my blog? 

I’m reading a lot of posts I want to remember and refer back to.  Is it okay to make a label for posts I want to remember and link to each of them?  Do I need to leave a comment on the post I link to? 

What is the difference between adding a blog to my blog roll and becoming a follower of a blog? 

Why do some comments go to spam? 

Thanks for the help!!

So the CableGuy was here yesterday...

I must have checked the bedroom a thousand times to make sure there was nothing incriminating visible. 

I am SO not used to having strangers in my bedroom. 

And the whole spanking thing made me super-duper-extra-PaRaNoId!!!!!!!!!!

 

LOL @ myself :-)

 

Reader's Night #2

So the first Reader’s Night #1 didn’t work out too well.  Well, you’re not a man to give up.  And you do want to keep up with your wife’s blog.  Heaven only knows what else she has written about!  And as much as she writes, you’d better work hard to keep up!  You can also check out some of the blogs on her blog roll.

When you’re ready to do some more reading, tell her it’s a…

                                                Reader’s Night!

First, send her to the corner to wait while you settle the kidlets for the night.  Then have her remove all her clothing, lead her to the bathroom, and redden her bottom with the paddle. When her bottom is nice and warm, take her to the bed, blind fold her, and have her lay across some pillows.

Now pick a quiet implement, and settle in at the head of the bed to read.  WAIT! 

Before you start reading, tell her the word of the night is…and pick a word.  It could be spank, or swat, or corner, or obey, or HOH…any “buzz word” will do. 

As you read, be on the lookout for that word.  Every time you find that word in your reading, she gets swats.  It can be a lot or a few.  It can be hard or light.  It can vary each time.  Whatever you wish, but each and every time you find that word, she gets at least one swat.

Don’t forget to talk to her about what you are reading.  She is curious to know what your thoughts are…

Rule #3 - Running the House

 I will run the house, not let it run me. 

I will conduct homeschool on a consistent basis.  I will help both kidlets move forward with their education.  And I will remember to have fun times as well as educational times.  I will not burn out myself or the kidlets by trying to do too much.

I will maintain a reasonable state of cleanliness throughout the house.  Especially in the kitchen and bathrooms.  I will delegate (and enforce) chores for the children.  I will continue to use my check lists every day.  I will plan menus for the week.

I will maintain the finances and budget.  I will stick to the budget.  I will not give into impulse buying.  I will plan menus to keep the grocery budget on track.  I will set bills to pay in a timely manner.  I will balance the checkbook at least once a week.

When I get overwhelmed in any of these areas, I will ask for help.  Whether it be chores that need doing or a spanking he needs to give, I will ask for help. 

These are all the “ideals” that I will strive for.  As long as I try and make an honest effort, I am okay.  Captain disciplines more on when I give up or am not trying.  Or if I just choose not to do the things I know I should.  And there’s lots of encouragement, both the verbal and spanking kind.  And he’s just as quick to dish out praise.  Discipline is seldom, but it’s helps just knowing he will, if needed.

A Writer's Night!!

Work?  You have work to do?  You brought work home??  But you know your wife is looking for something else tonight.  And it does *not* involve you being in front of a computer all evening.  What’s a man to do when work invades his time with his gal?

How about this??…Declare a…  

                                         Writer’s Night! 

Tell your wife early that tonight is a Writer’s Night!

Get the kidlets settled in their beds for reading time.  Come in, bar the door, turn on the noise makers, music, loud fan, etc.  Paddle in hand, guide her to the bathroom.  Start by paddling her over her pajamas, a dozen or so swats.  Tell her that she will spend the evening enjoying herself on the internet.  Have her remove her pajamas, and begin paddling her over her panties.  Give her another dozen or so swats.  Tell her she may write for her blog, or read other’s blogs, anything she wishes.  Then have her take off the panties and paddle her bare bottom.  Firmly tell her this is to be an enjoyable time, she may not work on paperwork or finances or homeschool. 

Then lead her to sit her warm bottom in the computer chair.  Yes, she must stay naked.   Leave her with a kiss on the forehead and wish her a fun evening.  Now go sit at your own desk across the room and watch her enjoying her extra computer time.

You might “refresh” the spanking every so often.  She does write better with a warm bottom.  She will feel loved and taken care of.  She will be glad for the couple of extra hours on the internet and the restriction against “working”.

And while she is exempt from paper work tonight, you are *not*, so get busy! 

 

Spanking #3 of 4 - The Running of the House

At first I was not totally happy with spreading out the ‘clearing the slate’ spankings so far apart.  I did like the idea of four spankings each dealing with area.  I just expected them to happen closer together.  Now, I am grateful that Captain has spread it out over time.  He clears the slate and lets me know his expectations in one area, then we have a few days to work on it before adding more.

Last night was spanking #3 of 4, which dealt with the running of the house:  cleaning, chores, homeschool and finances.  I had an abnormal amount of butterflies before this spanking.  I’m not sure if it was because it had been about a week since I’d been spanked or if it was because the last one (Spanking #2) was a LOT more intense than I had bargained for.

Captain always starts with the Blue Cane, which I love for warm ups.  It has just the right feel to get me into the proper head space.  Then he started switching to other stuff.  He didn’t spank hard…but I felt each swat because he swatted as he talked and the Man had a LOT to say!   The past is the past, but what he expects is a lot more than I’ve been doing.  And he’s proving to be very consistent.  I think my days of slacking off are over.  And I am grateful for the accountability (at least at this moment sitting here in this chair…but my opinions have been known to change, lol).

He also had me count for the first time.  I had to count the next twenty swats.  It was very difficult.  He was swatting fast with our wood paddle, and I could hardly get one number out before the next swat fell.  It made it very hard to concentrate.  I did make it through without losing count or having him start over. 

It was a good night.  The slate is cleared.  I have expectations and accountability from him.  It’s nice to know what matters to him.  Before he never said much.  And it was easy to just let everything slide…because nothing bothered him (or so I used to think).  Now I know.  And it feels safer knowing.  It’s not just the accountability…but he’s looking now and NOTICING what is being done (and handing out praise for it) and well as what’s not getting done. 

Speaking of which…I have some things to get done!!!

Weight Loss: TTWD Style!

The Captain and I both need to lose some weight.  My health is much better than it was last year at this time, and I actually feel like getting up and doing something.  Captain just needs to make time in his schedule.  And things are so much better between us that we can focus more on our health.

So Sunday morning we both weighed in.  In one week, we’ll both weigh in again.  That night, we’ll add up what we’ve both lost and multiply it by ten.  That’s how many swats I will receive. So if he loses 1.5 pounds and I lose 2 pounds that’s 3.5 total, times ten equals 35 swats.

Wait! 

Listen to the rest!!!

If he has the biggest percentage (percentage, not amount), he gets to pick the implement, give me the swats, and then I give him a back rub.  IF I have the biggest percentage, I get to pick the implement, he gives me the swats, and *I* get the back rub!!!!!!!!

Captain and I are both pretty competitive…so this could get interesting!!!!! 

I LIKE having Sisters!

Well, Blogger Sisters! 

I am painfully short on family…both parents are gone and I am an only child.  We live out in the boondocks, so I am kinda isolated.  And mostly, it doesn’t bother me at all.  Captain has spoiled me with ‘country living’, lol.

Last week I posted about a bump in the road that Captain and I were having.  It was emotionally epic for me.  And I was crushed.  So I wrote about it.  Writing is something I love.  And it really helps me to sort things out. 

After I posted…I got these wonderful comments telling me to TALK to him.  And suggestions for *how* to talk to him.  It really meant a lot to me.  I was really stressed, in pain, and overwhelmed.  And all of your kind words touched me.  And I thought “It’s just like having sisters!”  And as any only child will tell you, having siblings is near and dear to the heart!

So Thank You!! 

Kate

Riding out the bump in the road...

First, I must say “thank you” to the ladies that posted comments to my last post.  Your words helped to give me the courage (and nudge) to open to up to Captain.  It was by no means an easy thing to do. 

We started talking during a few stolen moments when the kidlets were all busy.  I told him everything I was feeling.  Lost, because I couldn’t talk freely any more.  Hurt because I had meant no disrespect.  Angry because my safe place had been taken away.  Distrustful, hesitant and distance. 

He listened…and understood.  He asked me, “I am very sorry.  I’ve apologized, and I truly meant it.  What more can I do to make this right?”  It was not a question asked in anger or frustration.  He really wanted to know.

What more do I need?? 

HOW should I know??????  I was too busy dealing with hurt.  At my request, he left me alone so I could process through all that we had talked about.  I’m not very good at conflict.  I either build an impenetrable wall…or I BLOW, in a tangent rage of epic proportions.  And I tend to hold grudges, not resolve problems.

What more do I need?????

Sigh.  I tried to sort out my emotions.  I needed him to recognize the magnitude of the hurt I felt.  And I need my safe place to be safe.  These things wouldn’t undo the damage…but would start the healing.

That night we talked more.  I told him what I needed.  And we talked and talked and worked it out.  That night when I went across his lap, it didn’t feel as safe as it once was, but it didn’t feel awful either.  I was cautious but not distant.  And things are still good between us.  This “bump in the road” didn’t totally derail all that we are trying to accomplish or make us (read: me) give up and totally stop ttwd.

So, we’re back to moving forward again.  J

Residual Effects

My last post ended with “things are once again right in my world”…except they are not.  I’m having a residual emotional reaction to what happened.  Maybe it is emotions from being in pain for 4 days now.  Maybe it’s the migraine meds combined with the allergy meds.  I don’t know.  I know I just feel lost.  I feel a distance between Captain and I. 

The last two nights I’ve lay beside him, on my tummy, with a heating pad across my tush while he reads more on my blog.  I WANT him to read my blog.  I am a written words on paper type gal.  I let more of myself out in my blog posts than I do in real-life, even with Captian.  I want him to know all of me.  He’s not caught up to current posts…so he has not read anything I’ve posted recently. And I am dreading when he does.

But I am having trust issues.  He shattered my safe place.  (See previous post: Another Rough Night)  He accused me of things that hurt terribly.  Things that have changed the core of what I believed was ttwd between us.  I am glad that time/circumstances have prevented him from having me lay across his lap.  I don’t want to.  And I don’t think I’ll ever find the peace or safety there I once felt.  Now it feels like something to be endured, not cherished as it once was.

This is a busy, busy week for him at work.  Students return soon and there are a million details to take care of.  I get that.  He wanted to snuggle last night, so I curled up next to him.  The unspoken distance was there.  He asked about it, he felt it too.  I said it’s a conversation for another day.  A day when he has more time.

I know he’s formed his own opinion about what’s wrong.  He thinks it’s because I haven’t been spanked in two days and I am ticked about it.  He thinks it’s because I haven’t been across his lap.  It is not either of those things.  It’s just more of the same type of accusations that hurt so badly the other night.  He has no idea what he has shattered.  And, right now, I am too broken to tell him.

He mentioned something about doing a short stingy spanking at the end of the bed.  Then he asked my thoughts.  I told him he was reading me wrong.  I stayed respectful but gave minimal answers.  I did not want to get into it at that time, esp when time was so short.  The last thing I needed or wanted was a short stinging spanking that I am going to hate when it’s not punishment.  I am glad he didn’t push, I am not sure that I would have been able to submit to it without hating him for doing it.  (If it were punishment, I would have taken it.)

He’s texted me several times this morning.  Things to get done, things to have the kids do.  Very HOH-ey.  But I’ve kept on track this week so I can chill on Friday.  I cannot/willnot try to walk when I have a migraine this long.  (I started walking Monday, walked Wednesday with a migraine, was supposed to walk today but have hit a point where any movement hurts.)  He’s told me we will be talking tonight.  And much more.  I am not looking forward to the “much more”.  Actually, I am not looking forward to talking either. 

Another rough night & Another long spanking...

Last night was tough, again. I’ve been fighting a migraine for two days and my emotions are on edge and I ended up in trouble.  I am having real difficulties with finding the balance between shutting down totally or letting my temper fly.  All I did was ask a question.  I thought really hard about when and how to ask.  We’re venturing into new territory, and things come up.  I, in no way, meant disrespect or to threaten his leadership. 

I waited till I was across his lap.  I feel like that is my ‘safe’ place.  He rubs and pats, I feel submissive and we talk about us. ( My 30 Minutes).  I ask: “Tonight, when you first got home and had me in the bathroom, you really held back on the swats.  I was wondering why.”

“Are you complaining?” he quips, and follows it with “I could always say what I say at work, Are you complaining or just griping?”

Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma’am.  I am immediately ticked.  Majorly ticked!  I snapped something back about not complaining and being sorry I even asked. 

He goes into this long thing about not letting me lead, not letting me push or dictate what’s going to happen.  And he goes on and on.  I finally ask to be let up because I can’t breathe, which was not an excuse, my allergies are terrible right now. 

We lay there a bit.  I am working hard not to shut down…but not doing well at keeping my tone respectful.  I was really mad, hurt, and…lost.  He took away my safe place.  I felt crushed that he would take my question so…so…not how I intended it. 

So we talk.  I really wanted to know the answer to my question.  Way back, he used to back off on the intensity when I seemed to need it the most.  Usually when I have or am fighting a migraine.  But, we’ve also had had an intense night the night before, and I was sensitive and had a couple of marks/bruises.  I wanted to know if it was that or something else. 

He has to do a final check on the house.  And he sends me to wait in the corner.  He tells me when he gets back, we’re going in the other room (where the desk is).  I balk but go to the corner.  I will not write what I was thinking, standing in the corner.  I want nothing in print to incriminate myself.

He comes back.  I ask for us to be able to talk before the spanking.  He says yes.  I excuse myself for a moment.  I really needed a minute to gather my thoughts.  I come back in the room, and he wants me over his lap again.  Not ten minutes ago, I could not BREATHE over his lap.  I hesitate.  He gets all HOH-y on me.  I obey, grudgingly.  He asks something…  I bite back with something about not being able to think because I canNOT breathe.  He lets me up.

We talk a bit more.  A very little bit more.  Then I take the plunge.  I ask for immunity for the rest of the talk.  I needed to talk this out with him, but I couldn’t with having to watch every single word I said.  He grants immunity.  And I start talking.  Part of this was me…and part was my migraine meds.  They tend to make me talkative and rambling.  We end up sorting everything out.

I do ask him if there is going to be consequence tonight during the spanking.  I would abide by whatever he decided, but I needed to know ahead of time.  He said no, we both have to work on our communicating skills but I was still in for a spanking.  Then he asks me if I need or think I deserve consequence.  I answer honestly…I’m too keyed up to really know.

He takes me in the other room, has me bend across the desk.  He uses my favorite blue cane for the warm up.  I get to request the implements.  We’re still exploring with the new stuff.  He’s thorough but not over intense.  He also gives me a longer than usual spanking.  It was just what I needed.

As always he finishes with several swats with our wooden paddle.  He lets me get up.  I hug him and hold on tight, and ask for more.  I always have been and always will be a multi tasker…especially in my thinking.  These would be consequence swats, although he didn’t know it at the time. 

I didn’t deserve them for what I said.  I, however, did not obey him and I had a generally uncooperative attitude.  He did (said) wrong too.  But this isn’t about what’s “fair”.  This is about him leading and my agreement to follow…whether I like it or not. 

He takes me back to bed and across his lap again this time propped up on pillows so I can breathe.  I explain why I asked for more.  We talk as I get some wonderful aftercare.  And things are once again right in my world.

DD Memories: Making the Bed

Before (years ago literally) I always wanted Captain to step up and give me rules.  I’m home all day with the kidlets, and it’s very easy to just let things slide…and slide.  I thought if he would just set some expectations and NOTICE things.  I, of course, had my own ideas about what those rules should be.  And I pretty much pushed my ideas off onto him. 

I do remember one time he wanted me to make our bed every day.  This was *not* on my idea list.  It was very hard for me at the time.  I did not grow up keeping things neat.  And I don’t ever remember making my bed.  Ever.  But he did, growing up.  Plus a bunch of years in the military…bed making is second nature to him.  And it does make the room look nicer.

So he asked.  And I pulled the covers up.  Day after day.  I *was* making the bed.  I had it all reasoned out in my mind.  If he had said anything, I had my answers ready.  I practically dared him to say something.  He may be bigger and stronger, but I can out talk the best of them.  And I am very good at justifying my actions.

I think rather than battle with me, he just stopped asking about it.  I, of course, took this as him not caring.  Not being into it.  Not being consistent.  Not noticing.  Being oblivious to me and the house.  It was ALL his fault.  

I see it now for what it was.  He made an effort.  And I kicked him in the teeth for it.  I fought his leadership and tested his authority.  I look back and am totally ashamed of my behavior.  I see how very wrong I was. 

Now, when he asks something, I try to do it to the best of my ability.  Even if it’s not what I had in mind.  Even if I think it’s unimportant.  Even if I really don’t want to do it.  He has the authority to ask me whatever he chooses.  Period.  I’m not behind the scenes saying you can only ask that of me if I say it’s okay to ask me. 

As a result, he is starting to ask more of me.  And I am finding out things I didn’t know.  Like what’s important to him around the house.  Or what he sees as disrespect.  I am beginning to know him on a far deeper, more intimate level than I ever have before.  I wish I had gotten out of his way years ago.

Spanked to Peace...

Last night was…I’m not sure…confusing.  I really needed something…no, I really needed a long, intense spanking.  Not punishment, just a nice firm dose of maintenance.  Me, bent bare bottomed over our desk while he spanked all the stress out of me.  Captain had other ideas.  He wanted to do something short, at the end of our bed, with implements I don’t particularly like.  I tried not to be disappointed.  I did not say to him “But…but, I need so much more tonight.” 

My words did not betray me…my body language did.  I tried to just clench my teeth and get through it.  Let him do his HOH thing and be done.  Maybe my reaction was stronger than normal.  Maybe he’s just more in tune with me than he used to be. 

The position is uncomfortable for me (it’s a lack of height thing, I think).  And he was using one of our new short canes, a rattan one that stings like fire.  I hate stinging implements, particularly for a warm up.  I lay across his knee, he spanked, and I fumed.  More teeth clenching and inward resolve to just get through it. 

I’m not sure if I asked to get up or he let me up.  We sat on the bed for a few silent moments.  He wanted to know what was wrong.  He wanted me to tell him what was wrong.  Not in a pleading, asking kinda way.  Not in a frustrated, impatient way.  In a quiet commanding way.  “Tell me what’s wrong.”  So we talked.  I was hesitant, but he encouraged me.  When he said we were going in the other room (where the desk is), I hesitated for a fraction of a second, but that was all.

He started with a different cane and a whole new warm up.  Then he switched to something else, and finished with a few swats from the paddle.  It was better, but not enough.  I wasn’t where I needed to be.  I hadn’t found peace yet.  He told me I could get up, and I did.  I hugged him, and was finally able to mumble something into his shirt about not being done.  He didn’t make me repeat it.  I don’t think I could have.  He did tell me I was good for having told him and he was glad I *had* told him.  Then he told me we were not done.  He’s got that quiet command voice down pat now.

Back across the desk I went.  The cane and the paddle came back out.  The swats fell steady and hard across my bottom.  It was exactly what I needed.  I found peace and felt SO much better.  I went to sleep spooning with Captain, feeling safe, happy, and very, very peaceful.

If this had been a few years ago, he would have never noticed something was wrong.  He would have been frustrated with my being mad. After all, he’s spanked me like I wanted and now I am all mad at him.  I would have been mad that he couldn’t see that something *was* wrong or that he didn’t care enough to give me what I needed.  And we would have went to bed…each on our own very far side of the bed.

This was SO much better than that. 

The Idea Box: Counting

Dear Captain, 

I would like to count for you!  Actually, I’d like you to require me to count for you.  Just a dozen or so swats sometime during a spanking.  I may not like it.  I may not be able to concentrate enough to keep count.  But I’d like to try it.  Then again, I may like it.  It may give me focus.  It may make me concentrate on you more than on what I am feeling.  I’d like to have the experience.

I would ask you hold me very accountable and be very firm about my keeping the correct count and not forgetting to count if that is what you have asked of me.  I would expect if I fail to count or lose the count to have to start over. 

Most Lovingly,

Your Kate

Capsaicin: The Devil's Paddle

I read about it.  I just had to try it.  I thought I had done enough reading/research.  I still wasn’t prepared for it.  So, if you are reading this, please, PLEASE, take caution when using capsaicin!

Start by testing it first.  I put a small amount on a q-tip and rubbed it into my calf.  I, first, wanted to make sure I wasn’t allergic to it.  And, second, I wanted to see how badly it did or did not sting.  While this test was good, it did not prepare me for having it actually used on my bare bottom.

If or when you have this applied to your bottom, use a small (SMALL) amount!  Use it only on the sit spots.  Be very careful to not get it anywhere else, especially sensitive areas.  We used an applicator thing made for suntan oil/sunscreen to apply it.  Captain used about a pea sized amount on each cheek.   It was more than enough!  It felt like a bare bottom paddling that lasted for hours!  It wasn’t enough to keep me from sleeping but it did interfere with my sleep.  And intensified every time I turned over.  I woke up often throughout the night.

I’ve read that olive oil can stop the reaction.  I also know that water (as in washing it off) will only intensify the sting/burn. 

I also recommend that you have your hoh stay with you.  I don’t think I would have made it through last night without his steady voice there.  He’d ask how I was doing or comment of my wiggling and squirming.  Just his presence helped me take a deep breath and get through it. 

We will not be using this often at all.  I am still glad we tried it, but its way more than I had anticipated.  Please proceed cautiously if you decide to try this.

 **********************************

I waited a couple of days to post this.  I wanted to see how long the effects lasted.  I also wanted a bit of time to gain some perspective.

When I showered that night (about 20 hours after the application), it “reactivated” that evil stuff again.  It’s was like being paddled all over again.  I also noticed it seemed to spread out more.  It wasn’t as intense, but I was still squirming in my seat. 

Please be cautious.

Last night Captain was *finally* able to spank me.  I really needed it.  I hate that it matters so much.  I hate that it makes me SO antsy when it doesn’t happen.  It was mostly maintenance and testing out the new ‘toys’ still.  We’re taking the new canes really slow as far as intensity.  When we’re testing new things I am allowed to give feedback: too high, too low, ow!ow!ow! TOO HARD!, and occasionally too soft. 

It’s getting better with the canes.  The blue rope loopy thing is still under testing.  I HATE (repeat:  HATE) the rubber paddle.  And that’s the smooth side!  If I told my opinion of the bumpy side…well, I’d probably end up deserving another spanking.  That thing is pure evil! 

I am used to getting antsy when we go too long.  I was TOTALLY shocked that Captain got antsy to give me a spanking as much as I was antsy to receive one.  And no, it wasn’t because I was trying his patience or deserved one.  We actually had a very, very good week. 

I am just not used to this man!  He’s so different!  He got antsy! Ba-ha-ha-ha! He’s firm and calls me down when I start getting out of line.  We were talking on the phone the other day and he pops out with “I want you to either wash the bath mat or get a new one.”  Statement, not a request, not asking my opinion.  A real “I-want-this-done!” moment.  It was astounded!  Last night we were talking, and he quietly says to me “That felt very disrespectful.” Commenting on what I had just said.  I immediately apologized, secretly awed at him.

I think it has taken me years (literally years!) to get out of the way so that his dominant side could surface.  Things are very much on his time.  He is very much in control of ttwd.  And I work hard at following and not leading from the passenger seat.  It’s so much better than I ever thought it could be.

Don’t mind me…I am just basking in the glow of his dominance and the slight tingle I feel every time I sit down. J

Our first Reader's Night!

I did a post about special nights that I’d like to share with Captain.  It was about having a Reader’s Night (A Reader's Night).  We tried it out last night.  I really want to share my blog with Captain.  We did everything pretty much as I wrote it except that I was also blind folded.  It was an interesting evening. J

Captain had me strip, blindfolded me and had me lay across pillows at the end of the bed.  Then he used an oval sunblock applicator thingie to put a small amount of capsaicin on each “sit spot” on my bottom.  Then he settled in at the head of the bed to read my blog.

I think he enjoyed the reading.  I was really nervous about what he’d say and think.  He gave me lots of great encouragement and compliments.  I think it gave him greater insight to the strange workings of my brain, lol.  He read the first 10 posts, ending with a humorous one called The Yo-Yo Effect.

While he is reading and commenting…I am being ‘silently spanked’ by capsaicin.  Captain put just a little but OWWW!!! does it burn and sting!!!!  I could not stay still at all.  And it came in waves…just when I thought it was easing off, it would come back even worse.  This repeated over and over…and over.  I felt the effects ALL night till around 4 in the morning.  Then this morning when I got dressed, it started all over again, not quite as intense, but I still felt it more than I cared to. 

So while the Captain will be reading more of my blog…we will not be using the capsaicin again any time soon!!

 

Rule #2 - I will control my emotions.

I will handle my emotions without shutting down or shutting Captain out.  I will not clam up and be silent.  I will tell him, in a respectful manner, when I am upset or have hurt feelings. 

I will not let anger or frustration brew until I throw an angry hissy fit or totally shut the whole family out.  I recognize that how I act and feel affects everyone in the house, not just me.

I will be honest about what I am feeling, EVERYTHING I am feeling.  I will communicate with Captain.  When I am having health problems that interfere with my emotions, I will tell him.

When I am worried about something, I will share that with him, and not try to carry it alone.  I will not worry about things that I can’t fix. 

I will be strong and consistent with the kidlets.  I will maintain calm authority over the house while he is at work.  I will consistently move forward with homeschooling.  I will not let the children badger me until I give them what they want.  I will not let the children tag team against me. I will not let them drive me to the point where I throw my hands up in frustration and give up.

I will be a happy, submissive, obedient, communicative wife, secure in Captain’s love for me.  I understand that I am safe with him, protected from attack, especially the ones I wage against myself.  I will rest, content in his shelter, knowing that there isn’t anything stronger than the two of us working together.

Corner Time

Corner Time.  Sigh.  I’m not really sent to the corner as a punishment.  When I am sent to the corner it is more to show my obedience to Captain, than as a punishment.  I don’t really mind corner time.  It’s usually not more than 5 or so minutes.   And usually it is while he has to leave the room, checking to make sure the kidlets are asleep and not wandering the house.

I like the ritual of it, while not the actual standing in the corner.  I like to be *sent* to the corner.  Especially right before a spanking.  I like it that Captain comes and gets me and leads me to the desk.  I like showing my obedience and submission.  I am a full grown woman, and I choose to stand in the corner because my husband tells me to.  It’s incredibly submissive AND empowering. 

Fun with Anagrams

 I got this from Hermione’s Heart Blog…(Hermione's Heart)

It's an anagram generator and I typed in the name of my blog.

I had a great time narrowing down the 900 plus possibilities…

A Antic Naked Pat – my antics results in naked pats and taps…                                   yep, sometimes

A Antic Naked Tap – see above

A Attack And Pine – sound like Captain after me                                   with a paddle!

A Attack Pain Den – nope, ours happens in the bedroom

A Attack Pain End - yep, I know WHOSE end that will be!

A Attic Naked Nap – YES! PLEASE!...if Captain and I                                    only had an attic!

A Cantata Pinked – My screams in no way sound like singing

A Cap Attend Akin – Captain attends his kin very well, thank you!

A Cap Naked Titan – Captain, the naked titan?                                     Mmmm…the possibilities!

A Captained Tank – A new name for our house?

A Catnap Date Kin – A catnap date with kin…                                   as long as it’s the Captain and me!

A Intact Naked Pa – NOT even going there!

A Panic Naked Tat – looked up tat (tatting): a series of loops                                   & knots joined together to make pretty cuffs                                   & collars (for clothing)

A Panicked Tan At – panicked at a tanning…                                    yes, I have been!

Adapt Cane At Kin – Yes, Captain has adapted his                                    canes at his kin

Attacked Pain An – Attacked, pained, and ??????

Attain Cap Naked – Attain Captain naked…                                  yes, oh yes, please!

Captain Naked At – Anywhere private is fine with me!

Catnap Ate An Kid – sounds like a bad horror movie

Data Cane At Pink – directions for after the warm up?

Data Cane Pat Kin – More directions?

Data Cane Tap Kin – Captain does more than pat or tap!

Panda Can Take It – If Panda can take it, so can I!