Lesson Learned Today

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A Reader's Night

You know your wife spends lots of time reading about spanking?  You know she’s started a blog?  And she’s doing an awful lot of writing?  What is she reading?  What is she writing?  Is it good? Bad?  What’s she saying about you?  Sometime you’re going to have to take some time and read all this stuff she’s doing?

Then you look at your wife…and she needs tending to…in a very bottom warming kinda way.  And you certainly can’t let that slide…if only there were a way to do both…

Here’s your option…

Send her to the corner.  Set up some pillows across the end of the bed.  Find a nice stingy implement.  Call her to come lay over the pillows.  Give her several quick stingy swats.  Then rub in a small amount of capsaicin into her bottom which will add heat to her already stinging bottom…and have her lay there while you read.  You might ‘refresh’ the spanking every little while with more stingy swats.  She will have her bottom nicely warmed, and you will have time to read.  She is also very available for any thoughts, comments or questions you have for her about your reading.  And you get to read about all this spanking stuff with your naked wife lying in front of you.

Who said guys couldn’t multitask….:-)

About Special Nights

Special Nights are my idea.  I have a creative bent, and I read far too much, AND I have a great imagination.  There are things I want for us to try…but I do NOT want to script or tell Captain what to do either…so I am adding a section to my blog called “Special Nights”.

It lets me post all my imaginings, and Captain can read and choose whether or not to try them at his leisure.  I like it that I won’t know when he reads my ideas…or when/if he’ll ever choose to try them.  It does give him a resource when he’s looking to try something new/different.

I wrote my first Special Night post because I wanted a creative way for him to read my blog for the first time.  I wanted us to be together, I want us to share the experience together.  But I didn’t want to ‘read over his shoulder’ or sit there twiddlin’ my thumbs while he reads.  So I wrote the first Special Nights post about a Reader’s Night.  I printed out just that post and gave it to him to read…and he was definitely receptive. 

Clearing the Slate

I’ve finally got through the emotions of the first spanking.  I’ve even managed to sort some of it out.  There are four main areas I need help with:  respecting the Captain, the running of the house, taking care of my health, and my emotions.  After talking with Captain about my thinking, and my “suggesting” a few things, he said there would be four spankings over the next several days addressing each topic. 

Last night, showing him respect was addressed.  This includes accepting his leadership and authority in ttwd.  And also listening for his voice and giving priority to what he is saying over other distractions.  I already know I let the kids interrupt us far too often.  He lectured the entire time, gave me a pretty intense spanking, and cleared the slate in that area.  I did bring up what happened the day before…and he very firmly addressed my lack of respect.  And I greatly appreciated every minute of it.  And unlike the other night, the slate felt cleared.

I’m not sure when the next area will be addressed.  And I like it that way.  His time, not mine.  It’s hard for me to step back and not micro manage/control/organize everything.  And I want to get through this part quickly so we can move forward at my speed.  I am working on stepping back, and going at his speed…not mine.  But it sure ain’t easy sometimes.  We both see this as being the biggest/highest priority for us…and probably the cause of most upcoming discipline.  I think I’ve made the first step, I’ve recognized that I need to step back and that *I* am part of the problem.  It was much easier when it was all his fault for not caring enough to do it right (read: my way).  Although it’s more difficult now, I would NOT go back for anything.

Musings from an insomniac mind...

I was awake in the middle of the night last night and couldn’t fall back to sleep.  I was thinking about how much I hate “stingy” implements and Captain had used a particularly stingy brush on me.  And then this rhyme just starts going through my head… 

Kate really hates stingy spanks

From the Captain, her mate. 

From the brush or flyswatter,

She does not like them, not in any number. 

She does not like them here or there,

Or in the house anywhere. 

She does not like red marks across her bottom,

But the Captain sure loved puttin’ ‘em there.

What can I say…I was sleep deprived. J

The best made plans....

 ….sometimes don't work out.  The Captain had plans for me last night…but life intervened.  He got home much later than planned after picking up one of the kidlets, and it changed his plan.  I was still very antsy and needing to talk.  I had so much on my mind that I wanted to talk and share with him…and if I waited, I would clam up.  I knew this…more importantly, I think HE knew this.

So despite the late hour, he took me in the bathroom with the loud fan (remember, multiple kidlets in the house, one just having got home).  He gave me several swats with the “bottom burner” paddle.  I was still rather tender from the night before, so I felt each and every one of them.  Then he took me to our room, had me lay across his lap…and let me talk.  When I shut down, I shut totally down, not a peep out of me.  And when I want/need to talk…I jabber…and jabber, lol.

When we were talking about accountability, I was again ashamed of my behavior.  He pointed out an incident that happed earlier in the day.  I hadn’t ignored him on purpose, but neither did I stop what I was doing to *listen* to him either.  I didn’t even realize it had happened at the time.  It scares me to think of how often this happens and I don’t even know it. 

Tonight, there are no kidlets out of the house, and Captain has already said that there will be more clearing of the slate…which we both agree needs to happen.  I think it’s going to take a few spankings to get the slate clean for me.  I am not sure if he will address what happened yesterday or not.  Part of me hopes he will, for accountability and consistency.  And part of me is very apprehensive about it.

 

And part of me may bring it up myself.  I really hate disrespect…especially when it’s me doing it.  Especially to him.  Especially in front of the kids.  Yep, I can totally see myself bring it up tonight.  I hope I can keep my resolve when I am bare bottom over the desk.

The Yo-Yo Effect

Tonight I got caught in the yo-yo effect.  I think some of the ladies will understand what I mean.  Tonight I was irritable, cranky, and just out of sorts.  I was dealing with emotions from last night and everything seemed to be getting on my nerves.  And I wanted something to give me back some perspective.  After much internal debate, I decided to ask the Captain for some help, which in our case means a few quick swats in the bathroom, behind two locked doors, with the exhaust fan on, when the kidlets are very engaged in something. 

So I go find him…approach and ask him what he was doing.  We had small talk for a minute…and I escaped, berating myself for being a coward. 

Yo-yo up and down….Wife in and out…

I escaped to the bedroom and gave myself another internal pep talk…determined…I went and found dh again…and I don’t even ask anything this time…I just hug him and leave.

Just call me the yo-yo wife…

More internal berating.  It should not be this HARD to ask.  I am supposed to ask.  I am expected to ask.  And I just can’t.  More internal despair.  Jeeezzzz, I am such a wimp.

So I approach again and hug him and mutter something about help and other intelligible words…and he gets it.  He leads me into our room. 

I am relieved…but I still feel like a yo-yo.

The First Spanking

Last night was the night.  I only knew a couple of hours ahead of time, so I didn’t have much time to obsess over it.  It started with me over his lap while he talked to me about what he had planned for the night.  He had a long session in mind.  We talked about how I was feeling…which alternated between anticipation and apprehension.  This was not discipline…this was to “clear the slate” and give us a beginning. 

I was stood in the corner while he checked the house and kidlets…all was peaceful.  He wasn’t easy on nor was he harsh or highly intense…It was a good sound spanking, which I needed and felt I deserved.  One of the positions didn’t work too well because of my height (or lack there of, lol).  He moved me to the edge of the bed.  That worked a lot better and I was finally able to relax and feel the flood of emotion.  When he was done, I was back over his lap again for more talking. 

It was not the huge emotional storm that I was expecting.  And at first I was somewhat disappointed, but then I was able to sort through it a bit, and felt better.  I came to the conclusion that it’s gonna take more than one spanking to get through all the muck of the last few years.  We’re dealing with a lot of days, issues, hurt, and disappointment.  It didn’t happen in one day and it’s not going to be fixed in one day, either.

He’s already told me to expect more of the same tonight, and there’s relief in that.  In fact I’m totally impressed with him…he planning evenings, and thinking about the next.  He’s strong and steady in his actions.  He’s firm and commanding with his voice.  He’s not let me push him at all this week.  He’s called me on my behavior more than once.  And while this was the first spanking, it was not the first discipline I’ve had this week.  I’ve never felt ‘disciplined’ before.  It always felt more like he was trying/playing but not really into it.  He is definitely into it now.  And I am shocked at some of the things he’s said and done this week…shocked in a good way, lol.

So today I feel the spanking I received last night…and I feel it all the more when I think about it being repeated tonight.  I know I need to tell him about everything I am feeling and writing this has helped me sort it all out.  My other writing has came so easy, but not this one.  I was too keyed up and not able to focus but I needed to write and sort out my feelings before tonight.  The Captain sensed this and ended up taking me in the bathroom for several swats with my hairbrush, and then sent me to write while he took the kidlets outside for a bit. 

And since you’re reading this, I guess it worked. 

Testing....Testing...1...2...3...

The night didn’t start well.  Captain once again had me across his lap for more rubbing and patting and talking.  I was trying hard to be respectful even though I was SO not into it.  He asked me what I was feeling…and a torrid of words came pouring out.  I think most of it was respectfully said but laced with frustration.  He let me say everything I needed to say, and then just started rubbing and patting…and Talking with a capital T.  He reminded me of everything I had said about acceptance and things moving on his time and not mine.  It was another almost scolding.  I needed it…(and deserved it too).  He then told me that tonight we would be getting out “The Box” and talking about each implement.  He was calm, he was directive, he kept control…and it was SO what I needed.

If it had been five years ago, he would have gave in and did what I want.  And it would have been wrong.  I think I am beginning to realize that a lot of what I took as wimpy-ness or lack of leadership was him not wanting to see me struggle or hurt emotionally.  Hind sight is so 20/20. 

When we got out the box, we started talking about each thing pulled out, and somehow it came about that he was going to test each item.  It had been so long…we did need to try out positions and implements to find what would work for us.  At first, I thought this was a great idea…if I had only known what I was in for!

He had me across the bed, over the foot stool, across his knee, and over a small desk several times.  He used small canes, wooded spoons, the leather paddle, BOTH wood paddles, and I don’t know what all.  It was hundreds of light little love taps…he was more worried about my position and the placement than the intensity.  It was like a warm up that NEVER ended.  He was so directive, and so funny at the same time…we ended up having a wonderful evening.

More steps...and no spanking...yet...

We’re still talking every night, which is good.  He’s still putting me across his lap every night, which is pleasurable torture.  Progress is being made.  We’re still tackling difficult subjects.  We’ve had some very intense intimate moments.  He’s given me a few small tasks to complete.  Simple things like clean out a corner in the bedroom which I did.  And I was also stood in said corner that night.   

We both recognize that a spanking will happen soon.  His time, not mine.  We’ve talked a bit about it, but I am trying not to get any preconceived expectations.  Quietness is a major issue…there are ALWAYS kidlets in this house, lol.  We decided to take some money and order a couple of things from Cane-iac.com.  No more dollar store wooden spoons or fifty cent wooden dowels.  We have a couple of plain rattan sticks…which will do when the times come, I’m sure. 

I did talk with him about turning my writing into a blog, which he not only agreed to, but thought was a good idea.  I love to write, and I think it will be good to be able to share and not just lurk!  And so he became Captain…and I became Kate, which is not my real name (obviously, lol).  I love the name Katherine because it sounds feminine, and I love Kate because it sounds strong.  I get a little hung up on names, hating my name in real life, lol. 

I’ve spent a couple of wonderful hours turning my writing into blog posts.  I feel peace.  The Captain and I went out to lunch today with NO kidlets, lol.  It was a wonderful peaceful time together.  I feel calm with him now, and I didn’t have that before.   

I’m still anxious about the first spanking, but I’m taking it a day at a time.  I know it won’t be tonight, because he will be out late playing chauffeur to kidlet#1.  I just keep telling myself:  His time, not mine.