It’s a strange kind of torture. I’ve been across his lap every night wearing just panties, while he rubs and pats and talks. It drives me to distraction. I SO (read SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) want a spanking. But it also feels very submissive…and safe. He’s not going to let me sabotage this for us. What he does, takes the edge off and lets me have peace and closure about all the talking we’ve been doing. But it so DRIVES ME CRAZY!
He’s been telling me when he’s done and I am allowed to get up. And tonight, he was done…and I was not. My emotions weren’t resolved. It was such a struggle. Do I tell him I’m not ok? Do I stay quiet and accept his decision? I got up, but he knew. We snuggled a bit. And I kept quiet. And he didn’t say anything. Had it been in the past, I would have turned away and been upset and awake till the wee hours. Tonight I stayed snuggled up to him, determined *not* to repeat the past. After a few minutes…he asked me what was going on. My big epiphany: his time, not mine…maybe he never asked before because I always turned away before giving him a chance to ask.
I came clean, told him what I was feeling, and he appreciated that I hadn’t shut down and told him what I was feeling. He also told me that I was going back across his lap after we talked a bit more. Soon I was back over his lap…after a minute or so, he told me to take my panties off.
His hand on my bare bottom, pleasure and agony…his time, not mine.
And another step is made…