Sunday, July 29, 2012

Just when it was going so well...

I back slid…terribly.  We had just begun talking…and he said something that ticked me off, and I shut down.  I’m a very passive aggressive argue-er.  It’s reflex for me.  I don’t yell or scream; I shut down, fold my arms and won’t even look at him.  In the past he would talk and talk, trying to get me out of it…and I would sit there fuming.  This time…THIS TIME…he called me on it.  Verging on scolding, he told me this was a big problem for us…I was stopped in mid shut-down.  I don’t remember much of what was said, but the emotion was…intensely safe.  And we were able to continue talking.  And we made a lot of progress.  We’re still talking, and at times it’s difficult.

He had me lay across his lap again…and this time his hands did wander…and along with the rubbing and patting, there was talk of what he will and won’t expect of me.  It’s strange, I haven’t been spanked, but I’ve never been disciplined in a more real way.

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