Friday, July 27, 2012

The Talk: Specifics

Before when we would start, I would bring it up, ask, and expect to start that very night…not so this time.  We may start dd, but no spanking happens until he decides.

I have to be totally honest about what I want/need and not expect him to guess.

I am allowed to suggest ideas…but no scripting.  And he may or may not use my suggestions.

We will use discipline, and whatever else he decides.  We’re not going to get caught up on labels or names.  If he wants to spank me, I will be spanked.

We agreed that MUCH more talking was needed.  Then I told him how I always left our conversations with negative feelings, no matter how well it went.  I usually lay awake most of the night dissecting our conversation, full of anxiety.  (Insomnia is a BIG issue for me.) I was also fighting a migraine from all the stress, which wasn’t helping my emotions.  I REALLY wanted a spanking, but I knew it would not have been the right thing to do…and truthfully, by this time of the conversation, I had no choice…The Captain was in charge. 

It was such a relief to know that he was determined that I not push or manipulate us into doing something we weren’t ready for.  But I also needed closure.  In the end, he had me strip down to panties and lay across his lap and he rubbed my back and neck.  Not once did his hands wander.  He was truly in control.  And it felt so…wonderful.  When I was allowed to get up, I curled up next to him…and slept peacefully.

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