Wednesday
If I’ve done
something really wrong, I usually will.
But what if you are just struggling with something? What if you’re just teetering on doing
something against the rules? Or maybe
not trying as hard as you should?
I’m having a
hard time with Rule #3…the running of the house. I’m keeping up, but just by the skin of my
teeth. I’m floundering. I’m doing most of what I should, but letting
small things slide here and there. It’s
not noticeable. It appears I am doing a
pretty good job. Much better than I have
done in the past. But still, not as good
as I *can* do.
So I think
about telling all of this to Captain. Then
I think about the spanking he might give.
Then I think about NOT telling him.
I’m not afraid of the spanking…ok, a tiny bit apprehensive, I am more
afraid of his disappointment. I usually
am not this wishy-washy. I know I will
be receiving at least a maintenance spanking tomorrow night. He’s already told me that.
Thursday
Maybe I am
struggling with the idea of answering to him.
Before when we’ve tried dd, and I told him something like this, he would
smile, hug, and encourage me to do better.
I might get a token spanking for it.
But that’s a big maybe. Now…I am
not sure.
Maybe I am
struggling with the idea that a spanking may (ok, will) help. Maybe I am just
stressed. I’m back to teaching
homeschool. Dh is back at his work after
being home most of the summer. Our
routine has changed drastically the last two weeks. Not to mention kidlet #1 and I have been
having some issues.
Later Thursday
I’ve had a
bit of a nap and my headache and my thinking are much better. I *need* a good, long, hard, slate-clearing
spanking. For whatever reason, my slate
is muddled. I know I need to talk to Captain
about it, but I also don’t want him to think I am pushing. I am worried that he will think that I am
pushing.
He’s
home. We’re going through the
evening/dinner/bath/family routines. I
did find a quiet moment to let him know that I need a safe place to talk to him
(for us that means my laying across his lap).
I am going to tell him everything that I am feeling…and request slate
clearing instead of maintenance. I
think. That’s the plan at the moment.
Friday
Captain and
I talked last night. I had trouble
getting started but once I did the words just tumbled out. And…he understood. I told him about my muddled slate…nothing
really wrote on it (no specific infraction).
Then he said something about how sometimes slates (chalkboards) need to
be wiped down and the erasers pounded.
Yep, that was it exactly.
He left me
waiting, while he went and settled the house.
He came back to get me and led me by hand to the desk. I loves that he always leads me to the
desk. I take his hand and follow. I bend bare bottom over the desk and he starts
with our blue warm up cane. Then he
starts switching to other things. I am
expecting a mild scolding…instead he talks about how much I have accomplished
the last two weeks, how good homeschool is going, and how well the house
looks. He offers lots of encouragement
as he swats away with the white cane. It
hurt a lot but I was able to stay still (mostly) and focus on his words.
Then he
switched to the wooded paddle, held me with his arm across my back, and gave me
quite a paddling. It was several hard
strokes with the paddle. This time he
told me very firmly that he didn’t want me changing things too much or trying
to do too much with school OR stressing myself or anyone else. Then he had me count the next twenty strokes. He always swats so quickly, I have a hard
time keeping count.
He let me up, and we hugged. Then he said “This is your time to tell me if we aren’t done,” as he held me tight. We weren’t done. We both knew it. I sort of nodded and mumbled something about not being done. Back across the desk I went. Back across my bottom the paddle fell. Then he switched back to the blue cane.
He let me up, and we hugged. Then he said “This is your time to tell me if we aren’t done,” as he held me tight. We weren’t done. We both knew it. I sort of nodded and mumbled something about not being done. Back across the desk I went. Back across my bottom the paddle fell. Then he switched back to the blue cane.
“Don’t let
me stop until we’re finished. I don’t
want you taking any of this with you when you get up. Next time I stop, we are done.” He told me in
that HOH tone he uses.
“Yes, sir,” was
all I could manage. The strokes from the
cane fell swift and steady across my bottom.
It was one of those moments where it’s exactly the right intensity. Painful, but something I could relax into,
not try to escape from.
When he finally stopped, we both knew we were done. And I was at total peace. He took me back to our bedroom, and had me
lay across his lap for some aftercare. Afterwards
we snuggled and I went to sleep, peacefully.
Hi Kate. I teach school as well. It is so exhausting those first few weeks. No wonder the slate was muddy. I'm glad you are feeling better about things. I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful weekend!! :D
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for adding me to your blogroll, Kate. I returned the favor at Governing Ana. I don't have a blogroll at Kat-Sitting...seems a bit redundant. :) Anyway, thank you.
ReplyDeleteAbout your post...holy pain tolerance levels!! I was gasping at what you described. I am glad you got what you needed but that you also got affirmation and support. Plus aftercare. Something tells me you needed a *lot* of aftercare.
Ana
LOL, I do have a high-ish pain tolerance, but most of it is I tend to fight it, so it take longer for Captain to make his point travel from my bottom to my brain. :-P
DeleteI'm really enjoying your Kat-Sitting stories. Spent the morning reading a bunch of them. Thanks for adding me to your blog roll.
Hi Kate
ReplyDeleteYour heart and your head seem to be in exactly the right place...it sounds as though you needed some stress release and connection, more than discipline...and seems you got just what you needed. :-)
We also homeschool, and although I wouldn't have it any other way, the household is constantly active and it's hard not to get lost in all that hustle and bustle.
keep up the good work!
YES! There is hardly ever down time here...and the house is lived in, 24/7!! There are lots of toys because we (they) play...at home...like kids used to do. So there is always somewhere that needs cleaning, lol.
DeleteIt's cool to meet so many homeschoolers!!
Sounded pretty intense. Glad you are better and ready to enjoy the weekend.
ReplyDeleteThanks, SunnyGirl!
Delete